Beyond the Bunker: Families Fight a Different Battle

By: Christie Nicks

From Iraq, to Germany, to Vietnam, soldiers of today and years past put their lives on the front lines for America. However, while these soldiers are off fighting on foreign soil, their friends and family are left to fight a different battle.

Harlene Cicchese, Labadie, Mo., struggles still today to hold back tears as she recalled her son Ron’s decision to enlist in the Marine Corps. “His dad and I had two different reactions,” said Cicchese, “My thought was ‘Oh no’, his dad was like ‘alright, let’s go, hoorah’.” Cicchese said much of her worry was spawned from having gone through the Vietnam War. Cicchese’s husband, Mike, was a Marine during the Vietnam War. That combined with the loss of several of her friends during the Vietnam War resulted in greater worry for her Iraq-bound son. “You don’t have to like it if they do it, you just have to support it,” said Cicchese.

Ron Cicchese was deployed to Iraq New Year’s Eve of 1990.

“You wake up thinking about it, you go to sleep thinking about it,” said Cicchese recalling what she went through as Ron was in Iraq. Both Mike and Harlene Cicchese described the worrying as endless and something that affected their day-to-day lives. Mrs. Cicchese said, “It doesn’t get any easier because it’s your kid and you don’t want them out there.”

While never being completely worry-free, Cicchese pointed out some of the ways she and her family coped with Ron’s absence.

“We had given him a calling card,” said Cicchese about how she and her family stayed in touch with Ron. “He would call between 2:30 and 3:00 in the morning when he could.”
Another way Cicchese and her husband dealt with the stress of wondering where their son was in Iraq, was by pinpointing his platoon on a map. “Having that map and plotting that map was a good family thing to do,” said Cicchese, “ it made you feel like you were a part of him at that point.” Cicchese pointed out that Ron was not allowed to give his precise location but between her son’s vague descriptions and news reports they had a general idea of where he was.

During the Gulf War, and now the more recent War on Terrorism, media coverage is changing the way Americans view the war. “This war was on TV. The Vietnam War was never on TV until days and days later,” said Cicchese about the Gulf War. One significant memory Cicchese shared occurred when reporter Charles Jaco, reporting from Iraq, was mid sentence when the whole TV screen went blank. Cicchese said that this event scared her as well as ruined her day. Thankfully the report was interrupted due to a blast near an electric tower and everything was fine. However, the way this affected Cicchese spawns questions over war coverage in the media.

“It’s a hindrance to the troops,” said Ron Cicchese, U.S. Marine. Mr. Cicchese elaborated that having journalists embedded is not only risky for the journalist but for those around them. “It’s a tactical problem,” said Mr. Cicchese. Another issue that journalists face, as well as the military, is the issue of information- what you can give out, and what you can’t, and as Mr. Cicchese said, “The information [journalists] can give out is limited.”

But for those back at home, Mike Cicchese, Ron’s father and U.S. Marine veteran, pointed out that the war coverage by the media helped them get a clearer picture of the war so that their imagination wasn’t running wild.

“You watch the news wondering, ‘Is he gonna get home?’…and he did,” said Mrs. Cicchese. Ron Cicchese was in Iraq for six months before he returned home. She said you could hear their boots hitting the pavement at the airport before you could see them, and as they crested the hill, you could see them in unison carrying the flags. “You are so glad they are on American soil,” said Cicchese, “and so glad they are home.”

“He was gaunt, thinner, and real tired looking,” said Mike Cicchese as he remembered the return of his son. Ron Cicchese was one of many American soldiers who returned home sick from improperly sealed suits. These suits allowed in the toxic gases that resulted from chemical warfare.

Aside from being physically ill after returning home from Iraq, Harlene Cicchese said there were noticeable personality changes in Ron. “He was always a pretty joyful fellow, but he became a pretty serious fellow,” said Mrs. Cicchese. She also said that while he used to enjoy traveling, he no longer wanted to and said that he’d, “already seen too much.”

Struggling with the pride we have for our country and the love for our family and friends makes coping with the absence of those near to our hearts a difficult task. As the Cicchese’s explained, it is an ongoing battle between worrying and waiting that doesn’t end once the soldier is back on home turf.

“The best thing I can tell [family and friends of soldiers] is to just be supportive and to love them while they’re still here,” said Mrs. Cicchese. “ If they get a day off, spend it with them because you might not get another one.”

A Note From an Aspiring Journalist:

The story of Ron Cicchese unfolded after I got an assignment to write a side bar for my final project, which had to do with the topic of veterans. My friend, a neighbor of Ron's, recommended I speak to him as I was pondering who to interview. Ron's story really came a life after I spoke with Harlene Cicchese, Ron's mother. I have never cried after doing an interview, especially after doing one over the phone (not ideal, but she lived quite a ways away from me and my deadline was fast approaching), but the way she worded what she said really made you put yourself in her shoes and feel the pain she felt as she saw her son depart for Desert Storm and left me with my eyes filled to the brim with tears. What was also very interesting was the difference between her interview and her husband's. Her husband, Mike, formerly a Marine during the Vietnam War, felt pride and honor in his son's decision, and not quite as much worry as Harlene felt (which I suppose comes with knowing how being in the military works first-hand). Harlene, on the other hand, felt nervous as well as worried all the time when Ron was overseas- a feeling she had much experience with since she went through the same thing with her husband during the Vietnam War. All in all, the story was a moving one and one that I am proud to say that I told.